1. Love is like a giant pigeon
Love is sweet as summer showers,
Love is a wondrous work of art,
But your love oh your love, your love…
Is like a giant pigeon…crapping on my heart.
2. The milk is getting sour
New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me that is not scary
Cause I stay away from dairy
La-la-la-la-la-la…
3. My mother’s ashes
My mother’s ashes,
even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar
And sometimes when it’s breezy
Or when I’m feeling sneezy
And now I…
4. Dead in The Kitchen
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin’
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen
La-la-la-la-la-la-la…
5. As Long as you have brain waves
You don’t have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brain waves I’ll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day
There’s something I have go to say…
6. Tiny Chubby Children
They’re tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
Soon they’ll grow up and resent you so much
Now they’re yelling at you and you don’t know why
And you cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry…
7. Found Bodies
And they found their bodies the very next day,
they found their bodies the very next day,
la la la, la la la, la la la…
8. Double-jointed boy
He was a double, double, double-jointed boy
9. I play for me!
When I play, I play for me
I don’t need your charity
La lalala lalalalalalala
lalala lalala lalalalalalala….
10. Lather Rise Repeat
I’m in the shower and I’m writing a song
Stop me if you’ve heard it.
My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet,
and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
as needed.
11. Smelly Cat
Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It’s not your fault
They won’t take you to the vet
You’re obviously not their favorite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you’re no friend to those with noses
12. Terry’s a jerk!
Terry’s a jerk!
And he won’t let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
13. A girl we’ll call her Betty
There was a girl we’ll call her Betty
And a guy let’s call him Neil
Now I can’t stress this point too strongly
This story isn’t real.Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly
14. That’s how we get hamburgers!
Oh the cow in the meadow goes “moo”
Oh the cow in the meadow goes “moo”
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up
And that’s how we get hamburgers.
15. But DON’T!
There’ll be times when you get older
And you’ll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But DON’T
Cause that’s another thing that you don’t wanna do
That’s another thing that you don’t wanna do
16. Bisexuals
And sometimes men love men
Then there are bi-sexuals
Though some just say they’re kidding themselves
La-la-la-la-la-la…
17. Grandma
Now grandma’s a person who everyone likes
She brought you a train and a bright shiny bike
But lately she hasn’t been coming to dinner
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and someday you will too
La-la-la-la-la…
18. The Rats played Maracas
And the crusty old man said “I’ll do what I can”
And the rest of the rats played maracas
19. Jingle Bitch
Jingle bitch screwed me over
Go to hell jingle whore
Go to hell, go to hell, go to h-h-hell
20. Sticky Shoes
My favorite shoes so good to me I wear them everyday
Down at the heel, holes in the toe Don’t care what people say
My feet’s best friend, pals to the end With them I’m one hot chicky
Though late one night Not much light
I stepped in something icky
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes Always makes me smile
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes Next time I’ll avoid the pile
21. Crazy Underwear
Crazy underwear creeping up my butt
Crazy underwear always in a rut
Crazy underwear…
22. Holiday Cheer
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy
And Rachel and Chandler, (inaudible) handler!
23. Little Fetus
Are you in there little fetus?
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will buy you some Adidas
24. Little Black Curly Hair
I found you in my bed…
How’d you wind up there?
You are a mystery
Little black curly hair
25. It’s Time to Say Goodbye!
It only takes two heart attacks
to finally make you see
one of them won’t do it
but the second will set you free
Tell all your hate and anger
it’s time to say good bye
and that is just what I will do
as soon as those bastards I work for die!
26. Gay Wedding Day
First time I met Chandler
I thought he was gay
but here I am singing
on his wedding day
27. Somebody Else Named Bing!
Whenever I get married
Guess who I won’t ask to sing!
Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!
28. Who’d Gonna?
Who’s gonna perform the ceremony?
Who’s gonna perform the ceremony?
29. Here All Night
We thought Phoebe would leave
But she just stayed and stayed
That’s right, here all night
And Chandler will never get L…
30. Human Spleen
And there’s a country called Argentina
It’s a place I’ve never seen
But I’m told for fifty pesos
You can buy a human spleeeeen
Human spleen!
Olé!
31. Emma!
Emma,
Your name poses a dilemna,
‘Cause not much else rhymes with Emma.
Maybe the actor Richard Crenna
(he played the commanding officer in Rambo)
Happy Birthday Emma!
32. Javu Will Kill You
The food here at Javu…will kill you!
The food here at Javu…will kill you!
33. ROSS CAN!
rooooooosssssssssssssss can!
34. Paper maché man
I, I’m still waiting for my paper maché man
35. Parading Goats
Parading goats are parading,
Parading down the street.
Parading goats are parading,
Leaving little treats.