As much as we all wish it weren’t true, not every relationship works out. Sometimes marriages fail, and it’s not always anybody’s fault. However, just because you have hit a bad patch in your marriage or partnership doesn’t mean that you should end it. When you experience bumps in your relationship, it’s a good idea to start by seeking out a marriage counsellor in Calgary who can help you identify and correct the problem. While not every relationship succeeds, some just need a little extra work in order to get back on the right track. Here are some ways to identify that it’s time to seek out a marriage counsellor.
1: Lack of Communication
Good communication is at the heart of every marriage. Unfortunately, there are many barriers that impede a couple’s ability to communicate properly as time goes on. Some of these are external, such as work, the extra responsibilities that come with having children, and the plethora of screened devices that make it easy to get distracted. Some are internal—specifically, the longer you are with a person, the more you might feel as though you have nothing to say to them. Regardless of the reason, a lack of communication can cause things to feel stale in a relationship and can lead to you feeling resentment toward your partner. If things seem too silent between you lately, a counsellor might be able to help you re-open the lines of communication.
2: Lack of Intimacy
On the one hand, it’s common for the spark to go out of a relationship to a certain extent. When people first fall in love, they feel a deep and abiding sense of intimacy that can’t be sustained over the long term. However, even as things cool a little bit, they should never become completely cold. If you no longer have intimate moments with your partner and no longer feel the desire to be intimate, you might have a problem on your hands. Note that intimacy doesn’t always have to be sexual. There are many other ways in which you can express love and affection in a physical or emotional way. Whatever these ways are for you, it becomes a problem in your relationship if you no longer do those things.
3: Secrecy and Paranoia
Everybody has their secrets, but an unhealthy relationship has more than most. If you or your partner become extremely reserved and secretive about where you are going or what you are doing, that is a sign that your marriage may be in trouble. This sort of secrecy is often associated with adultery, but that isn’t always the case. In some situations, the other person might be making financial decisions that affect you without consulting you or have made a similarly hurtful set of decisions that they are trying to hide. In other cases, there might not be an actual secret being kept, but you might feel strongly that your partner is hiding something. In that case, the paranoia can lead to trouble in the relationship as well.
4: Frequent Fighting
Every couple as their fights, but those relationships that are in trouble tend to have more frequent and more explosive arguments. Little things that didn’t bother you before might set you off in a new way. In some cases, you might even go into a situation subconsciously looking to start a fight, not realizing the full extent of damage that it can do. The common denominator with unhealthy fights is that nothing gets resolved—neither side sees the other’s point of view, and the issue simply cools down, waiting to get ignited again at a future time.
5: Harmful Fantasies
If your relationship is in a rut but you aren’t sure whether it is truly in trouble or not, think about how you daydream. Do you imagine a world where the other partner is out of the picture? Do you sometimes fantasize about the other person leaving, disappearing, or even getting into a deadly accident? While such thoughts might feel shameful, they are better interpreted as the brain’s way of telling you that something is wrong. If your find yourself fantasizing about something harmful happening to your partner, then your marriage is in trouble.
Just because your marriage is in trouble doesn’t mean that you are destined for a separation or divorce. If you are experiencing the troubles listed above but don’t want your relationship to end, reach out to a marriage counsellor in your area. Counselling can often save a relationship and remove the obstacles that led to these problems in the first place.